A Child's Death Changes Everything: Films That Capture Its Tragic Effects On A Marriage
Written By
Harshit Bansal

TALAASH

Directed by Reema Kagti
‍TALAASH possibly is the greatest, gentlest, most evolved portrait of the subject that I have personally seen. Its greatest merit of course lies in how it combines the difficult theme with supernatural themes, also simultaneously narrating a feminist tale of a woman's revenge on her assaulters. The fact that it chooses this distinct approach to tell the story about a couple's battle with grief, is what makes it so special in the first place. But I also like the fact that it takes its time to show the couple's journey through the various stages of grief, ultimately showing their mutual acceptance of it, & their reconciliation with each other.

DRIVE MY CAR (2021)

Directed by Ryusuke Hamaguchi
‍Oscar-winning Japanese film DRIVE MY CAR is another film that deals with this subject, but in the most discomforting, and morally polarising way. The bereaved mother copes with the grief by engaging in sexual relationships with other men. Her husband knows about it, but never tells her he knows. He accepts it by himself as something that she needs to do in order to deal with the unimaginable loss. In a way, he's willing to accept the affairs of his wife as long as it would protect her sanity, & this acceptance saves their marriage. It's not an unusual situation, & as a viewer it compels you to reflect on its complexities.

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

Directed by Kenneth Lonergan
‍In MANCHESTER BY THE SEA , this subject is explored with a much more tragic lens. Here, the loss of children results in abject depression & hopelessness, & in the separation of the couple. We actually don't even see them together in the film, they only accidentally run into each other as a divorced couple. One of the biggest ways in which a child's death could lead to discord, distance & eventually divorce between the grieving parents is blame, which is what we're led to believe happened here too. This is a film that shows the devastating, dreadful side of this tragedy as truthfully & realistically as possible.

PIECES OF A WOMAN

Directed by Kornél Mundruczó
‍PIECES  OF A WOMAN is another interesting film about this subject, as it's not about the loss of a child but about the aftermath of a stillbirth on a couple. This film is more linear & direct in its exploration of the subject, as it follows the protagonists on their journey of grief from beginning to end, starting with the first scene which is the delivery scene itself (an excellently shot one), until the end as they try to deal with the loss, drift apart from each other, & battle the grief in their own individual ways as well. It's a really sad film, but captures the agony of the parents extremely well.

RABBIT HOLE

Directed by John Cameron Mitchell
‍Then there are films that take more light-hearted approaches to telling these stories. There are two films that deserve a mention here : ONE WEEK AND A DAY & RABBIT HOLE. These are films that also try to look at the growing strife between the bereaved parents & their separate grieving journeys, but instead of filling the films with the hopeless melancholy of the couple, they try to paint more hopeful portraits with the help of the ‘slice-of-film’ style of filmmaking.

THE SKY IS PINK

Directed by Shonali Bose
‍THE SKY IS PINK presents a unique perspective about it too. It tries to explore the grief of a couple that suddenly needs to find a way to live a normal life after the death of their daughter after dedicating majority of their lives to her care during her illness. In a beautiful but sad moment of vulnerability, the wife confesses to the husband that her very sense of identity itself is shaken because of how closely it's connected to caregiving for their sick daughter. This is a film that shows how the relationship between the parents may be affected when their grieving methods are so different from each other, but it's also a film that leaves you on a note of hope, as they eventually find their way back to each other.

ARRIVAL

Directed by Denis Villeneuve
‍Undoubtedly, if there’s one film besides Talaash that has explored this subject in the most extraordinary, unbelievably imaginative way, it’s ARRIVAL. The death of her daughter forms the basis of the central conflict of a character in a sci-fi film, that is primarily about linguistics & interacting with aliens. The film asks you a very fundamental question : If you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things? If you knew in advance that the daughter you would have in the future is not going to survive beyond a certain age, would you still get together with the child’s other parent? Especially if you know that it would eventually  lead to separation with them too? Maybe these questions are the reason why I sometimes think about this subject as an unmarried 27-year-old.

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